Thoughts/Notes on 'The Chicago Underground'. [locked against CLF]

[ohstarryeyed]

Sometimes, writing everything out makes me feel better. My head is getting kinda dizzy.

When I read this.. well, it's some kind of weird unknown journal, The Chicago Underground or something. But yeah... when I read it, I only just realised how complicated this city is. I always kinda stayed out of Politics back home, but this is... it's just so much more here. This is something I never really thought I'd be able to imagine, let alone comprehend.

I thought the Rift was my main problem here in Chicago, dealing with powers I don't really want. I mean, I can guess how people might find turning invisible, making these pitch black smog screens and making shadow animals fascinating or whatever. But sometimes, I.. I just don't see the point. I didn't ask for them and I've never really wanted them, but I can't really do anything about it. I have to deal with them, I guess.

But no, that's not my main worry any more.

The whole angels and demons thing as well as the CLF.. it's really scary. It's like.. on top of everything.. there's some kind of war going on. Everyone's just fighting for so many different things. This is serious... this is... it's just something I would've never ever thought about. There's just so much more that's going on here. I feel kinda stupid for not paying as much attention. I guess I've just been scared of stuff, maybe. But right now, I just get the feeling that Wanderers are getting caught up in angels' and demons' wars and I'm worried for everyone. Most of the people I know, the people who're my friends in this city, are Wanderers and I really worry for them. I really do.

I don't even know what I'm saying any more. This.. this just sucks so bad.

I just wish people would stop fucking fighting. I'm just so, so tired now.


Also... I don't know what a 'Neqa'el' is... erm. Firsts is something familiar... is a Neqa'el like, the demon version of a First or something?

Comments

[pplrunincircles.livejournal.com]

Okay, that made me seem even weirder.

I KNOW MY ORGANS AREN'T LIVING. Okay, so well, they totally ARE living, but I know that they cannot understand me or anything like that. I do not try to communicate with my organs.

[sophicsulphur.livejournal.com]

Okay I am now laughing so hard.

YOU WOULD NOT BE WEIRD EVEN IF YOU DID. Okay it would be weird, but not the kind of weird I think is bad.

In short, I believe you.

[pplrunincircles.livejournal.com]

OKAY LOOK. One time there was this giant monster like over a year ago back when I was still scared of things, and I thought that I was gonna pee my pants so I told my bladder to, "Stop that! I like these pants!" AND all that. I didn't expect it to listen but it did. UHM that was probably a story you didn't need to hear.

Thank you for believing me. :) And I'm glad my dorkyness could make you laugh anyway. Geeze la petez, self.

[sophicsulphur.livejournal.com]

Haha, it's okay! I uh probably just told you a lot of stuff you and everyone reading this didn't need to hear too. I say too much. About stuff. I just get excited easily I guess.

I'm trying not to be scared of things, either. I think I'm getting a bit better. I used not to be at all but then Chicago's all different.

Of course! I have no reason not to.

[pplrunincircles.livejournal.com]

I get excited pretty easily too! And I say stuff before I think about what I'm saying so. I think we're two peas in the same pod here. Two embarrassed peas.

It took me a long time to not be scared of things, but it's hard to be scared of anything when you know death as well as I do and you feel it so many times. I don't know. Not a whole lot left to be scared of, but there's still a few things that can do it.

[sophicsulphur.livejournal.com]

Very embarrassed, yes. Happy. But embarrassed.

I agree. If death doesn't bother you there's only so much that's scary. I guess things worse than death mostly. But I'm learning to see the good in everything. I have a sort of mentor who's helping me with that though.

And I guess you are right about what you said below. We should probably just talk in person sometime. I don't know if you can fill up a journal but it kind of looks a bit. Something. What you said, or didn't say.